Dear letters,

I crammed seven letters into 2 days of writing. The letters are getting harder and harder for me to write as I go through the process of remembering the past. Some of the thoughts have been good, some bad. I have pushed so much to the back of my mind. The memories are flowing back. The letters so far have been in chronological order. I started a few letters in between these, but they were to painful or personal to write. One letter was to the person that molested me when I was younger. I may get back to them, I my not. I may write them in my private journal. As most of you realize, I have many regrets in my life. I made far too many mistakes and hurt far too many people. I know my parents and grandparents would not be proud of the way I have conducted myself a lot of my adult life. I have had good moments, even periods of time that they would be proud. I know that I am old to be starting over. I am trying to turn my life around and I will. People will be proud of me someday. I know I have let the bad things that have happened to me be an excuse for the way I acted. The last few weeks I have really focused on the past and, at the same time, tried to focus on the future. I think I have made a lot of positive changes. I am not so easily angered. I have really started to enjoy being a father. Quality time with the kids is more important to me than ever before. A lot more of my time and energy is being put toward them. I am also trying to be more responsible for my words and actions. Hopefully I am getting better at it. I miss the people that have left my life. I really am trying to learn from past mistakes so I don’t continue to make them again.

Ray