It certainly been a long week. The rain Monday and the ankle sprain Tuesday slowed everything down by two days. I paid my car payment later than I wanted to. My phone bill is overdue and I need to pay that tomorrow. I made enough money this week to pay both of those, but with the bad weather, I am paying both later than planned. My chantex has been sitting at the doctors office and I haven’t had the time to pick it up all week. I didn’t want to drive down Monday if I wasn’t working. I thought I would have been able to get it later in the week. We have plenty of work for next week, but rain is expected Monday and I have a 6 month checkup at the doctor’s office on Tuesday morning. My ankle continues to improve daily. I lost some work today because of the rain. More for next week unless I do it tomorrow.

The kids and I are planning on getting up early (around 7am) Saturday to go to the credit union for another payment and then to the rabbit show in Evart, MI. We stayed up a little too late tonight playing cards with Dan. He taught us a new game called Fluxx. We had a good time playing. I think we played 5 games. The first one went kinda slow, but the more we played, the faster it went. It’s a very fun game with ever changing rules. Literally anyone could win at anytime with the quick rule changes. I think I will invest in a set of cards myself when I get caught up with things. I manged for the most part to stay off the computer while the kids were awake other than my quick blog post. I decided to save money and stay here this weekend. After the rabbit show we are coming back here for dinner, that way I only have to buy lunch tomorrow. I still have food to feed them for the weekend here. Kayla received her report card (she’s in 5th grade now). She received all A’s with 2 of them A+’s! The Orff concert at her school is May 15th. She has been chosen for a special part in the concert. Dad is so proud of her. Tyler is thinking about asking someone to prom. I so hope he has the nerve to ask someone. That is one thing I wasn’t able to do in High School and feel like I missed out. He is doing better in school and is becoming more responsible. I am proud of him too. Kevin is improving with his social skills. He has several online friends and is making new friends. He has had a long struggle with his illness and I am so proud of him too.

Speaking of the kids, they are the only reason I am still living in Michigan. I am so tired of the economy here. I am still looking for a better job that has benefits and more pay. Mostly the benefits. From talking to people around the country online, it don’t seem so bad in other parts of the country. I love my kids very much. As much as I would like to get out of Michigan, I just could not abandon them. They have been so good to me the last few months. All four of them. I plan on spending the weekend with the kids so this will probably be my only blog post for Saturday unless they go to bed early. I will blog again Sunday after I take them home.

I still remain upbeat and positive. I really have nothing to complain about (other than the job situation). The things that used to really bother me a lot don’t bother me so much anymore. I do have work and make money. I have a car. I have four great kids that are supportive of me. I have some good friends. I miss my best friend a lot, but I have learned a lot from that experience too, so it’s not all bad. I still feel I am going in the right direction.

It is real quiet here tonight since everyone went to bed. For the first time in my life, I have started to enjoy the solitude of being alone. I sit here and listen to music. I enjoy that more than at any other time in my life. I am starting to be able to put artists and titles together. I have  a playlists of 16 songs that I burned to a CD for the car. I organized a couple of other playlists to play depending on my mood. I have more organizing to do, but that’s for later when the kids are not here. A lot of other people in my life seem to be in a hurry for me to get a girlfriend. I am still not so sure about that. I think for now, I am going to wait and see what happens. I think I still have some growing up to do. There is a lot more that I would like to discover about myself before I get into another relationship. I like talking to other people and flirting. I miss dancing and hanging out, but I think I have to learn to be alone before I can be with someone else. I realize now that I expected too much out of other people in my past relationships and a lot of that had to do with my desire to not be alone. The more I am alone, the more comfortable with myself I have become. It’s not that I don’t want a girlfriend right now, I just don’t need one right now. There are other factors I won’t go into here also. I feel like I am waking out of a long slumber where I was so in need of other’s approval and acceptance. I have learned that I am responsible for my own happiness. It took me a long time to get to this point. That doesn’t mean that I stopped caring about other people. I realize now that I can’t depend on other’s to make me happy. It has to come from me. I know there will be people out there that don’t believe I have changed at all. I know that actions speak louder than words. The kids and my ex-wives have taken notice of my changing attitude so maybe others will start noticing too. I have learned that I am a very good person. I am a major asset to many people. I have forgiven a lot recently in the name of friendship. I let a lot of wrongs done to me go. I am learning to read people a little better and understand the role I play in their lives. I stand up for myself more. People that used to matter to me most before, have lost my respect. I know that I was used by them and that’s okay, I let them do it because I wanted their acceptance and love. Never again will I go blindly into any relationship (work, family, friendship, love). People that use me will be weaned from my life. I am a good person and no longer deserve to be treated that way.

I hope that each and every one of you have a fantastic weekend. I have the kids this weekend so I know I will.